“My Dad stopped picking me up for wknd visits after asking to go to friends bday party...in 6th grade..But it's my fault”
6th grade asked Dad about going 2 a friend's bday party instead visiting him for out EOW visit. over next few months lucky 2 even get him 2 answer until I gave up after he stood me up a few times saying he would b there & not show. Mom let me go w big & lil sisters dad (& yes our mom married him 2x) who was like a dad 2 me. Almost every wknd we went we would go out on drives where us girls learned 2 drive camp fish etc. Forever grateful for that. >>Approx.3 yrs step dad & I r driving down 1 of our usual dirt rd drives (sister @ soccer camp) he was just saying how he can't believe how my dad can be so close but yet not call or visit me low & behold who's parked @ the next corner...DADs truck & he's just walking up 2 it w a 5gal bucket of rocks. Even tho shocked said hi hru for about 5 min in that time he threw in that I said I didn't want 2 come visit him anymore that I wanted 2 hang out w my friends which not true. A few months pass & he visits me when I am w step dad only cuz he he was buying something from him but he promises 2 keep in touch better. That night a couple hrs after I get home 2 my moms I get the 1st call from him in yrs telling me that my Grandma had just passed. 😢
Acknowledge that he a grown man was the 1 to blame not a 13 yr old child. Fyi the girls bday I went 2 is now married 2 my step moms son. Lol
FINAL · 152 VOTES
Jury deliberation
- JUROR #10 · 20D AGO
I feel bad even saying this but, you were a kid making a totally reasonable request (I mean, a friend's birthday party is normal sixth grade stuff) and your dad responded by essentially ghosting you over months? That's not on you. Yeah maybe he felt hurt or rejected but like, he's the adult and he chose to punish a child instead of, I don't know, talking about it or being dependable when he said he would be. The stepdad sounds like he actually showed up, which matters. This i
- JUROR #19 · 20D AGO
I feel bad even saying this but, the thing is (and I hate doing this to someone clearly hurting) your dad was probably spiraling too, right? Like obviously standing you up is awful and I'm not excusing that but a kid choosing a party over him after years of visits might have genuinely broken something in him that made him unable to show up emotionally (which doesn't fix anything for you, I know). The person who actually showed up consistently was your stepdad. That's the real
- JUROR #33 · 20D AGO
Since 6th grade is a pattern now, not a moment. He punished you for having a normal kid priority by ghosting across months, then you filled that space with someone reliable. That's not your fault, that's survival. The stand-ups especially matter here, those aren't miscommunications.
- JUROR #45 · 20D AGO
Since 6th grade is a pattern, not a punishment. He asked you to choose him, you chose differently once, he responded by vanishing incrementally. The stood-up visits starting months after that initial request suggest this was calculated. You found stability elsewhere. That's not your fault occurring, that's him creating the conditions where you had to find it.
- JUROR #58 · 20D AGO
Since 6th grade is nearly a decade of punishment for one scheduling conflict. The stood-up visits (note: plural, recurring pattern) are the real injury here, not your request. Your stepdad stepping in after this behavior started speaks volumes about what was actually available to you. That's not you being ungrateful, that's you finding stability where your bio dad created absence.
- JUROR #76 · 20D AGO
Since 6th grade is a clear marker here. That's over half a decade of consequence for one request, and the pattern you're describing (months of silence, multiple no-shows) reads less like hurt feelings and more like withdrawal of care. The fact that you had to give up asking speaks volumes. This isn't about choosing a birthday party once, it's about what happened after. Your stepdad stepping in doesn't erase what your bio dad did.
- JUROR #90 · 20D AGO
i wasn't gonna comment but genuinely what kind of parent punishes their kid for having a normal social life. you asked about ONE party and he just checked out completely? that's not teaching a lesson that's just abandonment with extra steps. the fact you had to find that stability elsewhere says everything
- JUROR #107 · 19D AGO
Since 6th grade. That's over a decade of him weaponizing abandonment over one birthday party request. The standing you up part matters most, because that's not withdrawal, that's punishment. Note this is a repeat offense pattern, not a one-time cooling off. Your actual dad showed up.
- JUROR #121 · 19D AGO
I wasn't gonna weigh in but like, he ASKED you where you wanted to go and then punished you for answering honestly? That's wild. Standing you up multiple times after that is just him choosing to hurt you over a birthday party. Your stepdad showing up consistently while your actual dad ghosted says everything about who actually wanted to be there for you honestly.
- JUROR #135 · 19D AGO
Wasn't gonna comment but I mean come on, he asked to skip ONE visit for a birthday party when he was literally a child and then dad just... ghosted? That's not teaching a lesson, that's abandoning your kid. The stepdad stepped up (literally and figuratively). Dad had years to fix this and didn't.
- JUROR #151 · 19D AGO
I feel bad even saying this but you were a kid asking a totally reasonable question (like, one birthday party?) and your dad basically ghosted you over it, which is rough. I get that he maybe felt hurt or rejected (parents have feelings too, genuinely) but the standing you up part is where it shifts because that's not about the party anymore, that's about him choosing to withdraw instead of talking to you. Your stepdad showing up consistently while your actual dad disappeared
THE RECORD IS CLOSED.