“Why does my boyfriend send me a CALENDAR INVITE for date night? With a 15-minute buffer??”
Who sends their girlfriend a calendar invite for date night? Who does that? With a 15-minute 'travel buffer'? Am I a vendor? Am I a stakeholder? Last Friday I got a Google Calendar invite titled 'Q3 Us Time' with a location, a start time, and a note that said 'please accept so it syncs.' Accept? To see my own boyfriend? He color-codes me. I'm orange. Do you know what else is orange? Deadlines. When I suggested we could just... hang out, he said 'unstructured time is how we end up doing nothing.' Who talks like that? To the person they love? Am I insane, or is 'Q3 Us Time' the least romantic phrase ever assigned to a human being?
Someone in this relationship has to keep a calendar, and it is not going to be the person who missed her own dentist appointment twice this year. I sent three reminders about our anniversary dinner in June. She confirmed nothing. We lost the reservation and the $40 deposit. The invites are not romantic sabotage, they are the only reason we have ever left the apartment on time. 'Q3 Us Time' was a joke, which she accepted, for the record, at 4:52 that afternoon. I don't schedule her because I don't trust her. I schedule her because I love her and I have watched us waste four Saturdays 'figuring it out.' A confirmation takes eight seconds.
One date night. No invite, no buffer, no color code. And delete 'Q3 Us Time' from the calendar.
FINAL · 283 VOTES
Jury deliberation
- JUROR #166 · 21D AGO
Note this is not isolated. The anniversary deposit was June. 'Q3 Us Time' was last Friday. That is a documented pattern since at least June of one partner planning and one partner ghosting the calendar. But I'd also flag that the plaintiff DID accept at 4:52 the same afternoon. This is the fourth mention of a confirmation problem, and it keeps landing on the same person. A repeat offense, yes, but not by the defendant.
- JUROR #57 · 21D AGO
I want to name that scheduling your girlfriend as 'a stakeholder' is a lot of control dressed up as care. What I'm hearing from the defense is avoidance, 'I don't trust her, I love her' in the same breath. Meanwhile, 'unstructured time is how we end up doing nothing' violated my boundary around spontaneity. I'm noticing a pattern of turning intimacy into a deliverable.
- JUROR #219 · 20D AGO
'Q3 Us Time' (I cannot stress this enough) is the funniest thing I have read all week. 'Am I a vendor?', I'm crying. I've read this four times and it improves. AND YET. That lost $40 deposit haunts me. Somebody in that apartment has to run point (it's sad but it's true). Guilty of being annoying, not guilty of being wrong. Torn and delighted.
- JUROR #78 · 20D AGO
Let me lay out the record: (1) June, anniversary reservation lost, $40 deposit forfeited, three reminders allegedly sent. (2) Last Friday, 'Q3 Us Time' invite issued with a 15-minute buffer. (3) 4:52 PM same day, plaintiff accepts. Do we have the timestamps on the three June reminders? The defense claims them; I would like the screenshots. Absent proof of the reminders, this leans plaintiff. With proof, the deposit is squarely on her.
- JUROR #169 · 20D AGO
He color-coded her. Orange. Deadline orange. But she lost the deposit. Twice late. Split verdict.
- JUROR #121 · 20D AGO
and THEN, out of NOWHERE, the defense drops the $40 deposit. Timeout. Plaintiff comes out swinging with the orange color-code, gorgeous opening jab. But that lost June reservation counter? HAYMAKER. Two missed dentist appointments? Body blow. She's on the ropes. Right now I got the defense up on points.
- JUROR #272 · 19D AGO
Yo, there's nothing wrong with scheduling and reminders. Suggested mediation: discuss alternate calendar schedule & have pookie up that buffer to 30 mins.
- JUROR #273 · 19D AGO
He might be autistic
- JUROR #276 · 19D AGO
Gods. My ADHD brain would be so grateful if my partner scheduled things like this. If it’s not in the calendar, it doesn’t happen. Plaintiff and defendant need counseling. Perhaps calendar planning can be collaborative and done in a more enjoyable way. I don’t think either of you are hearing each other.
- JUROR #279 · 18D AGO
Siding wholly with the defendant. You're complaining about him scheduling us time and date nights, when he could be not having them at all. While spontaneity is romantic (and it's clear the defendant could benefit from learning a little bit), he is making the relationship a priority.
THE RECORD IS CLOSED.